Thursday, November 4, 2010

What's the deal with Oliver Sachs?

Was in Cambridge trying to get osme information from Harvard on why they didn't accept me fifteen years ago.  Talked to some stick of a man who had on a Harvard sweater and cheap pants.  So what did I want?  Huh?  The guy told me I could sit down and I did but he didn't.  So I cut to it.  Really, sir?  Like no one at Harvard every got a "C" in high school?  That is just not possible.  What kind of place are you running here?  Do you people have any fun?  Got tossed, but not before taking armloads of slick brochures.

Bored.  Listening to NPR and the power forward Oliver Sachs is being interviewed.  First thing I get is that the guy is a doctor not a basketball player for the Celtics.  Anyway, in the course of my walk, I listen and discover that Oliver has this terrible disease called "facial recognition blindness."  He's sees a person's face then forgets it almost immediately after they leave.  Or something close to that as I am distracted by a Harvard co-ed picking her huge pimpled nose.

Anyway, decide to visit Oliver and cheer him up.  Knock, knock and the guy opens his own door, dressed pretty well.  I introduce myself then sneeze and when I straighten up, I have to introduce myself again.  Man, this is going to be a trying day as I invite Oliver for a coffee.  He says yes and we go.  I ask to meet his wife and Oliver says he can't because just that morning, she turned her back at breakfast and now he has no idea who she is.

Go to some place in Cambridge, go figure.  Oliver suggests a cafe with great hot chocolate and we do this.  Sitting at a tiny, French-style table, we order the hot coco and I know it's going to suck when Oliver tells me you can stand a spoon straight up in this cafe's hot chocolate.  Well, I want to drink my hot chocolate, not eat it.  What happens if we order pudding?   Do I have to cut it with a knife.  Just when I am making my point really well, Oliver drops his napkin.  When he straightens up in his seat, he looks at me like I'm Santa.  "Who the hell are you?" he says.  I do the intro again and we continue as if we never...no that's not true.

Hot coco is good even though I AM LICKING MY SPOON!  Walk Oliver home and it's cool because the guy is famous.  All sorts wave and say "hello" and Oliver waves back.  I always ask who these people are as we pass them and Oliver just shakes his head and starts to weep. 

Get the poor guy home and we shake hands.  I excuse myself to take a leak behind some bushes on the side of  his nice house.  After zipping, I try to say goodbye again but Oliver is looking pissed and has a cell in his hand.  He asks me what I'm doing at his home and the cops are coming.  Good luck to them.  But I like Oliver Sachs and hope he gets better. 

PS  I am not spellchecking this.

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